Turn and Face the Strange Changes

If you’re ever feeling bad about something, all it takes is a little perspective to change you. Growth and maturity are direct results of new experiences. I’ve managed to watch myself grow in profound ways within the last few years, which started with a break in the norm in 2005. I often wonder what would have happened to me had things gone differently…

Had someone come to me five years ago to tell me that in the future I would be living in Brooklyn, I would not have believed them. Had they told me that music would still be a big part of my life, I would begin to listen. And when they told me I would still be single after going through three more terrible breakups, I would hate them in disbelief.

Being alone is a fear of mine, but it seems that I live within that realm all the time. Perhaps everything I do is to test myself and to make me stronger as an individual, who is, and will always be alone.

I often find myself thinking of those barren roads in France; alone in a foreign country with nothing but a few belongings and a will to get to my destination. The land patterns, in shades of green and brown, kept my eyes in shape. The emptiness of audible civilization calmed my mind. In one stretch, surrounded by pastures, I didn’t see another soul for hours. Nobody was there to push me in the cold rain, but myself. I wonder why people do such things as this; I then remember that these are the things that make one stronger. I won’t bother mentioning the quote which everyone knows about. I also won’t hide the fact that on some of those cold, wet days I just felt like rolling over and giving up. But I didn’t.

Once, after day in the life of a 16 year old, I joined an older friend on the track to see if I could run a mile. I wanted to stop after a few laps. My lungs felt helpless, my legs of jello, and the side pains were unbearable. When I began to slow and give up, my friend got behind me and said I would get kicked if I stopped. As a result of his brutal tactics, I only stopped after I completed the mile. At that point in my life, I realized something about the relation of the mind and its body. The mind is stronger than anything, and is always capable of pushing your body further than expected. From then on, I never had a problem running a mile… or several. This is how I managed to cycle from 8am to midnight on that wretched journey from Brussels to Rotterdam. A solipsist like me… I’m grateful for having such a discovery.

This step was crucial in finding myself, and in becoming who I have become.

Every choice, every decision, every discovery, every step: a definitive moment in one’s life.

One of the most definitive decisions I ever made involved a party at an apartment in Knoxville, about seven years ago. At this point in my life, I was in a relationship, but had decided to move to Arizona with Justin for a recording school. From there, our plan was to move to Los Angeles and continue our music endeavors. This all changed in one night… along with a multitude of other scenarios that could have come true for not only me, but for Justin.

I had planned to attend the party alone, but on the day of, I decided to call up Justin. He joined me on this excursion, where we met a peculiar young lady. She spent the night singing French songs and speaking in an English accent. She was poised, and had mesmerized us both… but I’m not sure if it was her, our naïve youth, or the alcohol that made us into such fools. Regardless, she left her number in my backpack before leaving. The next morning, on a miserable ride home, I told Justin to take the number, because I had a girlfriend… and it was just what he needed.

This chain of actions changed both of our lives forever. But if I try hard enough, I’m sure I could come up with a definitive action that changed everything on any given day of my life. Some of these moments are easier to explain as being so defining, for example, the former.

The point of this story is to not to say we need to think every detail through… what happens has happened already, is happening, and will happen again. The point is that we should live for the moments, live in them, live with them…. And looking back is only meaningful in retrospect… something we all learn from.

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." Ghandi

Obama and the Tyranny of Charismatic Power

As I sit here watching the historical inaugaration of Barrack Obama I feel inspired by his words. He is a brilliant speaker and, apparently, a great writer. I haven't had the chance to read one of his books, but I have put "Audacity of Hope" on my reading list for this year.

And what a better type of person to have as a president? Especially in a time of economic despair after eight years of overwhelming disdain for the presidency and the American government; this is what we needed. Let me make clear that by we, I mean human kind. This is a globalized, economically intertwined world now and it's time to move on from isolationist and unilateral moves. The current economic crisis has proved the globalized economic dependence. Just look at Iceland. That country has been hit harder than any other in the "first world." ...And it's just an island in the Atlantic comprising of 300,000 people. That is why every nation's status and stability is important to others.

Here is the problem with such a leader. He is a charasmatic leader who moved absurdly fast to where he is now. This can be credited to his mentors, charasma, charm, race, background, intellect, or however you want to see it.

Charasmatic leaders tend to gather the masses' votes and support easily. People want easy decisions and they want to be led. It's one of humanity's faults. Individuals don't need leaders, but they think they do. In fact, they want decisions made for them. The masses, and not just in America, are full of ignorant, brainwashed, zombies who can hardly think for themselves. This is why they flock to people like Barrack Obama. They, at least, see that he is brilliant intellectually. Most haven't a clue about politics and how the world works; so they need someone who does understand it. (contrary to our now ex-president)

They always promise something great. They always give hope to the sheep that things will be better under their leadership. They seem to have a solution to every problem that will succeed, unless some evil doer interrupts the plan.

Charasmatic leaders come in the good and the bad. A few good examples, in my opinion, would include JFK, Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, Mahatma Ghandi, and Vladimir Lenin. A few bad examples would be Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, Hugo Chávez, ect. There are many that I question as being good or bad charasmatic leaders, such as Winston Churchill or Fidel Castro. I think sometimes, being in the right place at the right time with a little luck, can go a long ways.

Hitler is a great example of the Tyranny that can ensue from sucha leadership. After WWI, the German people were devistated and punished for a war that they didn't start. It was all a matter of diplomacy and strategy. If Germany hadn't made the first move, someone else would have. The war was inevidable and the victors were indirectly responsible for WWII. In the 20s Germany was stricken with extreme inflation, famine, and depression. It was impossible for them to pay the debts owed to the victors of the Great War. In such a desperate time, Germans had no choice but to rally to a new leadership. The Third Reich under the leadership of Adolf Hilter gave a new hope to them. Hope for change.

What all charasmatic leaders have in common is the ability to unite so many people, rally them, and inspire them to a cause. Hitler did this a way that pushed Germany from a poor, war ravaged nation, into the most powerful country in the history of the world... in under 20 years!

I believe that Obama has done this well for many who want a progressive nation. The problem is that everyone has a different idea of what progression is. For me it is the advancment into a world of open-mindedness, tolerance, and compassion; but also a regression back to a true free world; liberty being the center piece. I think that Obama wats this also, however, most so not; even if they don't realize it. Most of Americans have become oblivious to the police state that has replaced the once free nation that was created some 225 years ago. I know that Obama understands this, but he also knows that he cannot do a single thing about it. The only way for him to succeed into the presidency was to run under the Democrat Party, a path that was set for him a decade ago. Sometimes it is unfortunate to have such a bureaucracy where nothing can be accomplished. Honestly, it's not the bureaucracy, it's the ignorance of the people for whom the government represents. These people are the sheep that will flock to their respective leaders.

Some of these sheep will use the Obama presidency to get what they want, not what they need or what we all need. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe he will be a push over, I just think that through the bureaucratic inefficiencies, with the help of the currupt Democrat Party, many parts of our liberty will continue to be stolen from us, as they have been for the past 100 or so years. Depending on how people want to look at politics via their own perspective, each currupt party Republican or Democrat, will coninue this onslaught on our freedoms.

I just hope that Obama can overcome the bureaucracy, repel the currupted party, and make the kind of progression I would like to see in our world. He has what it takes as long as he can teach his sheep how to act.

Return to the not so usual.

My return from Copenhagen took over 40 hrs. It began at 6am local time in Copenhagen, where I woke up, ate some cheese, and then caught the bus. The weather was the usual: cold and miserable. The walk to the bus station was erie, as if I were dreaming the entire scenario. I stopped at my bicycle to say goodbye and to remove the Italian seat, stuffing it in my overpacked bag.

The bus ran a few minutes late. This makes me a nervous wreck! I hate knowing that I have no control weather I will make my flight or not. After the bus, came the train. When I left for Barcelona, it seemed very simple, but this time the trains were different. Alas, I managed to find my way to the lufthavn, the Danish word for airport.

Arriving at the airport, everything went over smoothly until they found my haircutting siscors on my carry on. I had to rush back to the desk to check the bag. I dont think they charged me, but usually it costs extra. There's a tip for you. If you have more than one bag to check, do them at seperate occasions.

The flight was short to Vienna, and so was my stay. It was so foggy that I didnt see any of Austria. It was a short glimpse of the airstrip and the surrounding farmland. I ahd to rush from one gate to the other one. It felt good to see that my destination was New York City. At last...

The problem with internation flights is the obseesive nature of the flight attendants. I know it's there job, but I wish that they could arrange a better time schedule. There's no sleeping because you might miss a snack or beverage. And even if you don't want one, you will still be woken by everyone around you eating and drinking. I had pumpkin ravioli for the first meal and chef salad for the second meal. And of course, it was accompanied by a less than average tasting Austrian lager. ANNOUNCEMENT, MEAL, SNACK, BEVERAGE, SNACK, MEAL, BEVERAGE, SNACK!!! This continues for over 8 hours.

Upon arrival at JFK, I soaked the joy of being back in the land of convenience. I took the airtrain which costs $5 each way. (the American way) But wait, at least I dont have to pay to use the bathroom and there are water fountains for the poor. After a short rest in Brooklyn, I returned to the road. This time it's a bus.

I hate Greyhounds. The filth, the clientel, the stops, the drivers. Unfortunately for me, the Chinatown bus is now $110 to TN. (it use to be $40) And flying is aprox. $300 during the holidays. Greyhound it is!

I tried to sleep as much as possible for the next 19 hours. I arrived at the Knoxville bus station nearly 2 days later from the awaking in Copenhagen. Ashley was waiting for me, as she had been for 7 weeks. We clutched each other and didn't let go for what seemed like hours. This was the happiest moment of the entire adventure.

Now, as I look back on the trip, it seems as if the entire excursion were just a vision. It's amazing how quickly 7 weeks of traveling can go by. I can remember at certain points when it seemed time was going by so slowly and I was just a drifter stuck in the thickening mud. (literally, I was)

Being back has been a different world. Many things are different, and I have been in a different mind set and time zone. It takes time to adjust to the changes within myself and against others.

I am plagued with the trait of overanalyzation. It's everything from simple statements to complicated notions about existance. It's the reason for my social akwardness and the reason for so many other aspects of me.