Turn and Face the Strange Changes

If you’re ever feeling bad about something, all it takes is a little perspective to change you. Growth and maturity are direct results of new experiences. I’ve managed to watch myself grow in profound ways within the last few years, which started with a break in the norm in 2005. I often wonder what would have happened to me had things gone differently…

Had someone come to me five years ago to tell me that in the future I would be living in Brooklyn, I would not have believed them. Had they told me that music would still be a big part of my life, I would begin to listen. And when they told me I would still be single after going through three more terrible breakups, I would hate them in disbelief.

Being alone is a fear of mine, but it seems that I live within that realm all the time. Perhaps everything I do is to test myself and to make me stronger as an individual, who is, and will always be alone.

I often find myself thinking of those barren roads in France; alone in a foreign country with nothing but a few belongings and a will to get to my destination. The land patterns, in shades of green and brown, kept my eyes in shape. The emptiness of audible civilization calmed my mind. In one stretch, surrounded by pastures, I didn’t see another soul for hours. Nobody was there to push me in the cold rain, but myself. I wonder why people do such things as this; I then remember that these are the things that make one stronger. I won’t bother mentioning the quote which everyone knows about. I also won’t hide the fact that on some of those cold, wet days I just felt like rolling over and giving up. But I didn’t.

Once, after day in the life of a 16 year old, I joined an older friend on the track to see if I could run a mile. I wanted to stop after a few laps. My lungs felt helpless, my legs of jello, and the side pains were unbearable. When I began to slow and give up, my friend got behind me and said I would get kicked if I stopped. As a result of his brutal tactics, I only stopped after I completed the mile. At that point in my life, I realized something about the relation of the mind and its body. The mind is stronger than anything, and is always capable of pushing your body further than expected. From then on, I never had a problem running a mile… or several. This is how I managed to cycle from 8am to midnight on that wretched journey from Brussels to Rotterdam. A solipsist like me… I’m grateful for having such a discovery.

This step was crucial in finding myself, and in becoming who I have become.

Every choice, every decision, every discovery, every step: a definitive moment in one’s life.

One of the most definitive decisions I ever made involved a party at an apartment in Knoxville, about seven years ago. At this point in my life, I was in a relationship, but had decided to move to Arizona with Justin for a recording school. From there, our plan was to move to Los Angeles and continue our music endeavors. This all changed in one night… along with a multitude of other scenarios that could have come true for not only me, but for Justin.

I had planned to attend the party alone, but on the day of, I decided to call up Justin. He joined me on this excursion, where we met a peculiar young lady. She spent the night singing French songs and speaking in an English accent. She was poised, and had mesmerized us both… but I’m not sure if it was her, our naïve youth, or the alcohol that made us into such fools. Regardless, she left her number in my backpack before leaving. The next morning, on a miserable ride home, I told Justin to take the number, because I had a girlfriend… and it was just what he needed.

This chain of actions changed both of our lives forever. But if I try hard enough, I’m sure I could come up with a definitive action that changed everything on any given day of my life. Some of these moments are easier to explain as being so defining, for example, the former.

The point of this story is to not to say we need to think every detail through… what happens has happened already, is happening, and will happen again. The point is that we should live for the moments, live in them, live with them…. And looking back is only meaningful in retrospect… something we all learn from.

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." Ghandi

Obama and the Tyranny of Charismatic Power

As I sit here watching the historical inaugaration of Barrack Obama I feel inspired by his words. He is a brilliant speaker and, apparently, a great writer. I haven't had the chance to read one of his books, but I have put "Audacity of Hope" on my reading list for this year.

And what a better type of person to have as a president? Especially in a time of economic despair after eight years of overwhelming disdain for the presidency and the American government; this is what we needed. Let me make clear that by we, I mean human kind. This is a globalized, economically intertwined world now and it's time to move on from isolationist and unilateral moves. The current economic crisis has proved the globalized economic dependence. Just look at Iceland. That country has been hit harder than any other in the "first world." ...And it's just an island in the Atlantic comprising of 300,000 people. That is why every nation's status and stability is important to others.

Here is the problem with such a leader. He is a charasmatic leader who moved absurdly fast to where he is now. This can be credited to his mentors, charasma, charm, race, background, intellect, or however you want to see it.

Charasmatic leaders tend to gather the masses' votes and support easily. People want easy decisions and they want to be led. It's one of humanity's faults. Individuals don't need leaders, but they think they do. In fact, they want decisions made for them. The masses, and not just in America, are full of ignorant, brainwashed, zombies who can hardly think for themselves. This is why they flock to people like Barrack Obama. They, at least, see that he is brilliant intellectually. Most haven't a clue about politics and how the world works; so they need someone who does understand it. (contrary to our now ex-president)

They always promise something great. They always give hope to the sheep that things will be better under their leadership. They seem to have a solution to every problem that will succeed, unless some evil doer interrupts the plan.

Charasmatic leaders come in the good and the bad. A few good examples, in my opinion, would include JFK, Abraham Lincoln, Ronald Reagan, Mahatma Ghandi, and Vladimir Lenin. A few bad examples would be Adolf Hitler, Josef Stalin, Hugo Chávez, ect. There are many that I question as being good or bad charasmatic leaders, such as Winston Churchill or Fidel Castro. I think sometimes, being in the right place at the right time with a little luck, can go a long ways.

Hitler is a great example of the Tyranny that can ensue from sucha leadership. After WWI, the German people were devistated and punished for a war that they didn't start. It was all a matter of diplomacy and strategy. If Germany hadn't made the first move, someone else would have. The war was inevidable and the victors were indirectly responsible for WWII. In the 20s Germany was stricken with extreme inflation, famine, and depression. It was impossible for them to pay the debts owed to the victors of the Great War. In such a desperate time, Germans had no choice but to rally to a new leadership. The Third Reich under the leadership of Adolf Hilter gave a new hope to them. Hope for change.

What all charasmatic leaders have in common is the ability to unite so many people, rally them, and inspire them to a cause. Hitler did this a way that pushed Germany from a poor, war ravaged nation, into the most powerful country in the history of the world... in under 20 years!

I believe that Obama has done this well for many who want a progressive nation. The problem is that everyone has a different idea of what progression is. For me it is the advancment into a world of open-mindedness, tolerance, and compassion; but also a regression back to a true free world; liberty being the center piece. I think that Obama wats this also, however, most so not; even if they don't realize it. Most of Americans have become oblivious to the police state that has replaced the once free nation that was created some 225 years ago. I know that Obama understands this, but he also knows that he cannot do a single thing about it. The only way for him to succeed into the presidency was to run under the Democrat Party, a path that was set for him a decade ago. Sometimes it is unfortunate to have such a bureaucracy where nothing can be accomplished. Honestly, it's not the bureaucracy, it's the ignorance of the people for whom the government represents. These people are the sheep that will flock to their respective leaders.

Some of these sheep will use the Obama presidency to get what they want, not what they need or what we all need. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe he will be a push over, I just think that through the bureaucratic inefficiencies, with the help of the currupt Democrat Party, many parts of our liberty will continue to be stolen from us, as they have been for the past 100 or so years. Depending on how people want to look at politics via their own perspective, each currupt party Republican or Democrat, will coninue this onslaught on our freedoms.

I just hope that Obama can overcome the bureaucracy, repel the currupted party, and make the kind of progression I would like to see in our world. He has what it takes as long as he can teach his sheep how to act.

Return to the not so usual.

My return from Copenhagen took over 40 hrs. It began at 6am local time in Copenhagen, where I woke up, ate some cheese, and then caught the bus. The weather was the usual: cold and miserable. The walk to the bus station was erie, as if I were dreaming the entire scenario. I stopped at my bicycle to say goodbye and to remove the Italian seat, stuffing it in my overpacked bag.

The bus ran a few minutes late. This makes me a nervous wreck! I hate knowing that I have no control weather I will make my flight or not. After the bus, came the train. When I left for Barcelona, it seemed very simple, but this time the trains were different. Alas, I managed to find my way to the lufthavn, the Danish word for airport.

Arriving at the airport, everything went over smoothly until they found my haircutting siscors on my carry on. I had to rush back to the desk to check the bag. I dont think they charged me, but usually it costs extra. There's a tip for you. If you have more than one bag to check, do them at seperate occasions.

The flight was short to Vienna, and so was my stay. It was so foggy that I didnt see any of Austria. It was a short glimpse of the airstrip and the surrounding farmland. I ahd to rush from one gate to the other one. It felt good to see that my destination was New York City. At last...

The problem with internation flights is the obseesive nature of the flight attendants. I know it's there job, but I wish that they could arrange a better time schedule. There's no sleeping because you might miss a snack or beverage. And even if you don't want one, you will still be woken by everyone around you eating and drinking. I had pumpkin ravioli for the first meal and chef salad for the second meal. And of course, it was accompanied by a less than average tasting Austrian lager. ANNOUNCEMENT, MEAL, SNACK, BEVERAGE, SNACK, MEAL, BEVERAGE, SNACK!!! This continues for over 8 hours.

Upon arrival at JFK, I soaked the joy of being back in the land of convenience. I took the airtrain which costs $5 each way. (the American way) But wait, at least I dont have to pay to use the bathroom and there are water fountains for the poor. After a short rest in Brooklyn, I returned to the road. This time it's a bus.

I hate Greyhounds. The filth, the clientel, the stops, the drivers. Unfortunately for me, the Chinatown bus is now $110 to TN. (it use to be $40) And flying is aprox. $300 during the holidays. Greyhound it is!

I tried to sleep as much as possible for the next 19 hours. I arrived at the Knoxville bus station nearly 2 days later from the awaking in Copenhagen. Ashley was waiting for me, as she had been for 7 weeks. We clutched each other and didn't let go for what seemed like hours. This was the happiest moment of the entire adventure.

Now, as I look back on the trip, it seems as if the entire excursion were just a vision. It's amazing how quickly 7 weeks of traveling can go by. I can remember at certain points when it seemed time was going by so slowly and I was just a drifter stuck in the thickening mud. (literally, I was)

Being back has been a different world. Many things are different, and I have been in a different mind set and time zone. It takes time to adjust to the changes within myself and against others.

I am plagued with the trait of overanalyzation. It's everything from simple statements to complicated notions about existance. It's the reason for my social akwardness and the reason for so many other aspects of me.

Earthquake!!!! ...in Denmark?

This morning I woke up to find myself being shaken back and forth in bed.

Having never experienced an earthquake, my mind was seeking every possibility for this feeling.

A train has crashed...

The building is crumbling...

The wind is really strong...

I sat up and noticed that Michael had also been disturbed by the jolts.

"Is this an Earthquake???" I queried.

"I think so! I dont think this building can withstand one... it may collapse!" Michael beckoned as he got out of bed and gazed out of the window as if to see a city in turmoil.

It lasted for what seemed about 25 seconds. We then laughed about the scenario and went back to sleep. Michael told me to remind him about it in the morning because otherwise he will think it was a dream. Of all places to experience my first earthquake.... Copenhagen, Denmark was not a likely suspect!

The epicenter was in southern Sweden, about 40 miles away. It was a 4.7 on the Richter Scale.

I had earthquake dreams for the remainder of the morning.

Barcelona and Back

Last Monday I woke up at 4:30am to catch the bus to the train station in Copenhagen which would take me to the K. Lufthavn. I get there with plenty of time to spare and the airline served us croissants and orange juice while we waited.

In about 2 and a half hours I was landing in Barcelona. After a bit of studying other people I learned how to get a train ticket to the city center. With only one pack, I was able to roam around all day without having carry much luggage.

I didnt have a map, so I just picked a direction. I started on the SW side, where I stumbled upon a nice art museum, gardens, a chairlift, and an old castle.. or fort. I took lots of pictures from this point, as it offered a panaramic views of the city and he sea. This also gave me an idea of which direction I wanted to head next.

I wondered down the hill on the East side and then turned North on the Ramba, the touristy street. I continued North looking for the Sangrada Familia. I had always seen this cathedral in pictures and always wanted to see it in person. I couldnt find it... but I managed to stumble upon a series of escalators leading up a mountain. I took them, which led to a park full of gardens overlooking the city. I spent some time exploring the park and then headed back down toward the Familia. Even after taking visual note of its location, I was still ahving a hard time finding it. I kept stopping at the bus stops to look at the maps posted. That was how I found my way.

At last, the Sangrada Familia. Not much to do there, and it was of course full of tourists. I moved on, heading East to where Roger lives. I could have taken the metro, but I chose to finish the day walking instead. It was 6 hours of walking total when I found Roger's flat. He was glad to see me when I showed up. I met the children and we had dinner together consisting of chicken strips and a mashed goulash.

The 3 days I spent there were relaxed. It was nice to be in warmer weather, even is the air was chilly. The second day I spent walking around Sant Andreu, the township where Roger lives. There werent any tourists, and I got a nice grasp of local life. On Wednesday I was to meet Star, the friend I had met in Amsterdam a little over a week ago. I waited around for 45min. and decided she could find Roger's place on her own. Roger took me swimming in the local pool center. It felt good to get some total body excercise for a change.

Whne I returned from the pool, Star was at the flat. I had barely missed her at the metro stop. Roger took us out to the old part of the city and gave us a tour. We had some Argentine pizza and took lots of pictures. The next day, Star and I went to the beach and compared yoga moves. She went for a swim, I opted against it.... i bit too cold.

I said my goodbyes to everyone and headed back to the airport on Thursday evening. Time to get back to the cold, wet, windy North.

Going home was all that I could have expected for Copenhagen. It was just above freezing, windy, and slushing rain.

Friday I took it easy until Michael returned from work. We went to his father's Italian supermarket and then he headed to his company's Christmas Lunch. I went back to the dorm to make dinner and then I headed out to the city.

Kobenhavn aka Copenhagen

I've now been in Copenhagen for about 5 days. My knee seems to be healing, despite my daily bike treks throughout the city. I have been avoiding using the injured one while pedaling.

Copenhagen is expensive. Similar in prices to Paris... some things even more. The taxes are outrageous, and from what I hear from the Danes, many of the policies seem to only promote business in bordering countries. For example, Danish beer is cheaper in Germany than in Denmark!

The weather is predictable: wet, cold, and windy. The sun sets just after 4pm, severely limiting time for me to explore in light. Ive managed to find the famous mermaid, the main shopping streets, picturesque canal houses, and the famous Christiania sector. The bike traffic is very similar to that of Amsterdam, but the Danes seem to be better drivers than the Dutch.

To get a break from this gloomy weather, I have decided to go to Barcelona for 3 days next week. It's not really warm there, but atleast Ill see a bit of Mediterranean sunshine.

Spontaneous Journey

Tuesday, 2 December. 13.30 hrs

I have been sitting in Michael's dormitory in Copenhagen reflecting on the last few days as a blur. This is the first time I've had access to the rest of the world (internet) since Thursday. Michael, I met on top of the Nairobi conference center in Kenya, two years ago. From there, he joined Eric and I on one hellish overnight bus ride to Kampala and later on a safari in western Uganda. I find it surreal to be here in his hometown. Yesterday I wondered the streets of Copenhagen on my bicycle; observing the city which is new to me.

Sunday, 30 November. 15.00 hrs.

After slicing the onions, I decided to drop the sausages into the skillet. Looking around the kitchen, I find a bottle that looks and smells like vegetable oil. I hope it is, but I can't read Danish. I also have potatoes boiling on the back eye.

Cooking is not the best thing for me to be doing right now. The sight of sausage makes me want to chunder. Oh, and don't even mention Herring. If I ever taste another bit of Herring I will have an immediate gag reaction. I have to take breaks from watching the food to chunder outside in the lawn. Sitting by the fire is also a priority due to all of the doors being open. Random neighbors keep entering, speaking only in Danish.

At last, the food is finished. Soren and Julien are starving, so they immediatley dig in. I, on the other hand, still feel a bit nauseatious. I try a bit of the potatoes.. it's alright. And then a piece of sausage... not so good. I stick with the potatoes.

After eating, we finished loading the truck. This took several hours. Michael was waiting for me in Copenhagen, so we tried to rush.

We arrived at the train station around 11.30pm. Soren took the liberty of making sure I got on the right train. We said goodbye, and they headed towards Brussels, and I into Copenhagen. I had no Danish kroners, only Euros. The only choice was to risk getting caught without a ticket. I made it.

Sunday, 30 November. 14.00 hrs.

I find myself waking in a strange place. My head is pounding and I feel a bit sick. Looking around, I am reminded of the small house in Northern Zealand that I arrived at 7 hours earlier. Soren and Julien are already awake and had been stepping over me, preparing to move things out of the house into the truck. Julien chuckles as he sees me getting up.

What happened? I have a terrible hangover...

As my brain begins to recover more data I remember the short celebration we had at our arrival in Gilleje at 6am this morning. Danish customs were forced upon me... I didn't mind, I hadn't eaten anything all day, except for that bag of chips I bought at a petrol station in Hannover. We had three kinds of Herring and a terrible liquor that tasted medicinal. I tried to take it easy on the medicinal liquid and go for the Danish brew, which was delicious. Soren kept pouring me liberal amounts of the liquor.... I drank.

After our celebration, Julien went to sleep and Soren asked if I wanted to walk to the beach. I accepted due to the addrenaline of being in such a strange, new place. This was his childhood mecca, a place he grew up with and found so familiar. He showed me the paths he use to ride his bicycle around, and the site of the old house, which now has no reminants. We found the beach, nearly 1 km later through the meandering paths. The beach was picturesque. Soren walked through the gentle waves as I took pictures. The nostalgia engulfed him.

On the way back, he took me to a pond with a bench, where we discussed politics, culture, and life. Upon our return, we both crashed.

Saturday, 29 November. 20.00 hours.

We've been driving for hours in this large moving truck. Problems seem to never cease. Germany is not so easy to navigate, even with a map. Julien only has a large scale Europa map... good for us, I have a map of northern Germany. Not wanting to make a mistake, Julien often pulled off the highway to ask people if we are going in the right direction.

In Western Germany there is a conglomerate of industrial cities (Dusseldorf, Essen, Dortmund, Koln, Duisburg) Foreigners should avoid this area if driving or traveling through Germany. Julien and I, of course, found ourselves in this cluster for hours.

Somewhere before Hannover, I am about to dose off, when I here a clunk. I dismiss it and fall asleep. 20 minutes pass and Julien is pulling over at a rest stop. It seems out driver side windshield wiper has snapped. We find some tools, and move the passenger side wiper over.

When we finally make it to the ferry which crosses into Denmark, I can't stay awake. We park the truck and move up to a lounge where I immediatley pass out for what seems like 2 minutes. Julien wakes me and we head back down to the truck. The ferry takes about 45 min!

I dose off again in the truck. My head is bobbing and my mouth, for sure, is open.

I wake up to find that Julien has picked a terrible spot to get fuel. We're on empty, and it looks like this place.... Bogo, has nothing! Julien decides to pull over at a residential house to ask... noone is home. We move on and find someone walking. He points us to the right directions. It turns out we are on a small island just before Zealand. No wonder there is nothing here.

Saturday, 29 November. 04.30hrs.

Marc looks at his watch to find that the party will be over soon.

What???? It feels like we just arrived!

Despite the near end, the mood is still going strong. We are on an old cargo ship in Amsterdam, which has been converted into a 4 room rave party. Nitai, Marc, and I arrived after midnight with our new friend Star Simpson. The remainder of the party flies by, and find ourselves parting with Nitai, who decided to take an early train to Brussels en route to Brugge. We say our goodbyes to him before heading back to Casa Robino on our bicycles. We quitely climb the 4 flights of stairs, unfold out sleeping bags and pass out.

My alarm wakes me 4 hours later.

Yikes! I have a train to catch!

I am to meet Julien at 4pm in Venlo, a small town on the German border. I rush downstairs, grab my bike and race to the train station. I made it... barely.

Arriving at Venlo, I am carrying my bike up a flight of stairs when I see a tall, slender fellow with long hair smiling at me. I am not sure what Julien looks like.... but I think it's him.

"Julien?"

He nods with approval and notes that it was easy to spot me with my luggage and a bicycle. We load my things into the back of a moving truck and I climb into the front. And we're off! Roadtrip Germany!

During the ride he explains that he is meeting his friend, Soren, with this moving truck in Northern Zealand. Soren's mother has died recently, leaving him with a house which needs to be cleared out.

We discuss travel, politics, economics, the EU, ect. for the first hour or so. I start to get sleepy after a couple of hours... after all I've just been at an all night rave party in Amsterdam. Must have sleep... Julien offers me a pillow just before stopping for coffee.